“People come to therapy for an experience, not knowledge.”
And just like that, my understanding of change work, well… changed.
Mentioned in a talk by the Director of the Milton Erickson foundation, this one insight has created a framework in me that I’ve been thinking about for the past two years.
If KNOWLEDGE was all we needed, a library card and the Internet would be the gateways to perfect human being-dom. We’d all be “Crushing It!” at work while also generating passive income, finding perfect partners, having incredible sex, raising award-winning children, and living the life of our dreams.
Reality is far from that because knowledge is only a part of the equation.
You’ve also got to have EXPERIENCE — a feeling in your body that tells you that what you’re doing is right. Marie Kondo’s strategy for decluttering your home — if something doesn’t make you feel joy, let it go. If your experience of putting on that Thundercats shirt you got from Spencer’s when you were 17 isn’t a nostalgia-filled smile rompus, let it go.
Experience is code for an emotional reaction. So if we’re creating experiences for ourselves that leave us feeling good (even if the initial or middle of the experience is challenging) then we are more prone to believe and act upon knowledge obtained during that experience.
Knowledge is reading Tony Robbins’ book. Experience is going to one of his seminars. But what happens when you get home? That’s where the last piece comes in, and this is the one that’s the hardest.
INTEGRATION is implementing knowledge to create a new experience for yourself that becomes your baseline. Integration is the habits, and the grind, and the risk, and the struggle to implement what you know and feel. It’s meditating every day. It’s going to the gym. It’s following the diet that you know is healthier for you. It’s the rewiring of your thoughts, emotions, reactions, perceptions and habits that takes time.
This year I’ve felt overwhelmed by integration. I know that diet, sleep, and exercise are the key pillars to baseline health. Meditation, breathwork, therapeutic work, energy work, physical alignment, nutritional balance, etc. are also a big part of the baseline I’m trying to build. With all of these shoulds I got completely overwhelmed by trying to do everything because the knowledge that all these things are good for me didn’t help me integrate them into my life.
So I’m slowing down again to re-evaluate how I integrate all that I’ve learned in my head, felt in my body, and know is important for future Andrew.
What knowledge/experience are you integrating?
