Are you thinking about reading this post, but instead thinking about bookmarking it and coming back to it later because it has a lot of words?
Don’t you dare!
Dragging things out is metaphorically and potentially literally killing you! I’ll go into the reasons below, but this is something that dawned on me from a recent coaching session.
My client was stressed about a contract negotiation where the terms were nebulous. He was afraid of being taken advantage of, but also wanted to be fair to the other partners. Finalizing these terms was holding back his ability to feel good about what he was going to receive if they were successful. It was also creating a lot of energetic drag in his entire life, not just with the project.
He was one conversation away from the clarity he wanted, but he stopped short because there were so many other things going on that needed his attention.
I’ll tell you what happened with him in a minute. In the meantime can you relate to one of these ways that we create drag in our lives…
Putting off a habit change like exercise, eating healthier, going to bed earlier, turning off your phone after a certain time…
Delaying a tough conversation at work, with a friend, family member or (potential) romantic partner, with an animal who has peed somewhere they’re not supposed to, or the sandwich guy at your local bodega who flirts with you inappropriately (true story here)…
Pushing back personal projects that you know would unlock more money, purpose, and/or fulfillment for you.
Not cleaning your desk, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom. If the words filthy, squalor or infested apply, please stop reading and go take care of this now!
Avoiding doing a task for work that’s been on your plate for months but that keeps getting pushed back because of other more urgent or seemingly important work.
All of these things create DRAG on your ability to do things (the fancy term is cognitive load)… they’re like an extra ball that your brain has to juggle in the background.
You thought you had put that ball down, and gone on with your life… think again, your brain is still juggling it!
Instead these “open loops” continuously draw processing power from our brains.
“Marla, the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it… but you can't.” - Fight Club
Your open loops are that little scratch that you keep checking, but not addressing.
And here’s what Open Loops can cost you…
Less brain power for other tasks due to an increase in cognitive load
Stress which releases cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline) and nor-epinephrine the downstream effects of which are…
inability to fully rest
reduced immune system & healing function
reduced digestive efficiency
adverse gene expression
unconscious coping patterns like overeating, laziness, increased drug consumption
Reinforced negative associations with people, places, and tasks so that when you see them, get an email about them, hear from them, etc. you’re going to subconsciously associate them with the stress.
Strengthened negative survival patterns that created this mess in the first place so that you’re more likely to avoid this again in the future
So let’s close these Open Loops!
Here are FIVE techniques to help you close open loops in record time.
Motivate Both Ways
Motivation exists in two forms: TOWARDS something we want and AWAY FROM something we want to avoid. The more motivation you have, the more likely a behavior takes place so use both forms of motivation to close loops.
TOWARDS - once you’ve closed this loop - what will it give you? Less stress, clarity, peace of mind, more health, more energy, etc. How will your life be different then? Sit with these questions until you feel the reaction in your body.
AWAY FROM - what happens if you leave the loop open? 1 month from now, 6 months from now, a year from now, at the end of your life? What happens if you keep feeling this stress? Etc.
If you want to amp up your motivation, get external accountability from a friend or coach. Create consequences if you do not complete this task - Add Monetary motivation where you donate $100 to your favorite charity. Turn up the heat with Values Motivation where your donation goes to a political candidate you hate instead.Break it Down Into Parts & Make a Plan
Oftentimes the reason we don’t do things is because we’re looking at the whole forest instead of the tree in front of us. An hour workout at the gym might be overwhelming, but putting on workout clothes is a simple way to create momentum towards the gym. Breaking down tasks into their component parts makes it easier to accomplish the smaller subtasks, which creates positive momentum for the next subtask until it’s all done.
Planning your work reduces cognitive load since you’ve already laid out when and what you’re going to do. Then it’s just a matter of showing up and doing what you’ve said you’re going to do… which leads us to our next point.
Use the 5 Second Rule
Imagine the thing that you need to do is a cookie on the floor. Grab it within 5 seconds and it’s yours. Wait longer, and you’ll be fighting your brain’s stories about that cookie and what that time on the ground means.
Motivational speaker Mel Robbins has a great TED talk about the 5 second rule that she used to drastically change her life. Her main point is that 5 seconds after we think we should do something our brain kicks in to rational-lies why we shouldn’t do it.
4. Change your Frame
If noticing the power of your perspective was brilliant enough to earn Einstein the Nobel Prize, surely it has something to offer you!
When we move through the world looking through our own frame, we limit our perspective. By shifting our frame to another person’s perspective, we can often create empathy and motivation.
As a coach, I change my frame all the time to that of potential clients. Why? When I focus on myself, it’s easy to get wrapped up in my insecurities or stories. As soon as I shift and think about the people who need what I offer, it instantly creates motivation to help them.
5. Get Vulnerable with Others
Last but not least is bringing in vulnerability. When tough conversations are looming, oftentimes it’s easy to feel like we need to go into the conversation with everything figured out. Most of the time that’s not the case.
We can show up like the hot mental mess we are, and simply share what’s happening for us internally. Then we can ask what’s going on in someone else’s mind. Stating intentions and feelings is a solid foundation to build from during a tough conversation.
In the case of getting tasks done, showing up vulnerably to a friend or partner and asking for help is another way that vulnerability can be helpful. One night in men’s group, I bashfully admitted that I felt like I needed a babysitter - someone to keep me on task and make sure my focus was where it needed to be - it resonated with a lot of the other business owners and entrepreneurs in the group and led to the accountability I needed (and lots of co-working offers).
Pick one of these techniques that you know would help you and commit to using it for a week - you’ll be amazed how quickly you can accomplish things, reduce your stress, and feel better about getting things done.
If you do, I’d love to hear about it below!
